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wufeimajere
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read my profile
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Name: Ryan
Birthday: 11/9/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: Going out and finding the lost city of Atlantis (where did I put that damn thing?!), giving Jack Black a hug, achieving Nirvana, getting sweet sweet man loving, and other diddies to be mentioned in posts... so read damn you!
Expertise: I am awesome at taking up space, been doing it all my life! Uh, I'm also good at being human!
Industry: Retail
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  roninmasterhao
Member Since:
1/29/2005
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| Without these words to speak my mind I would paint my door. Brilliant,
fading colors that seek to draw in the onlookers, but repel them just
as quickly. Desperate in its paradoxical efforts to grasp tranquility,
scattered and confused. It would ask questions, reaching into the minds
of those that gaze, and would slowly withdraw in upon itself in a
growing blaze left in the distance. Around this epicenter freely
spinning, wild but controlled would fall the colors that stubbornly
refused to be placed by untrained hands. Standing as beacon to all that
was around them, they would inspire carelessly, inciting riots and
chaos in the name of beauty, only to be calmed by the fall of this
foolish display at its base where the colors slowly gather to find rest
and acceptance.
If only I could paint.
If I had no eyes, my god, the things I would see. Every texture, every
smell, every taste exploding into my mind without light to interfere.
To be everywhere at once, standing on top of a mountain I would yell so
I could hear myself chorus from the all the places that I am.
Yet I still see.
I am no less.
I am also no more.
Wherein, this balance produces a wealth of thoughts.
From these thoughts, someone may discover how much they know.
Or how much they don't.
But its never been about what you know, or what you don't. Oh no.
The real story, dear friends, is what you want to know, and your willingness to pursue.
The thirst that cannot be quenched, DESIRE!
Fearful that it is a useless waste of time perhaps...
Come to realize later that by spending even a small piece of yourself on this endeavor...
Can yield more time than you thought you had.
Time enjoys peace.
Those moments spent sitting beneath a tree on some green Sunday became an hour with no effort at all.
Offer just a moment of your time to this nothing.
All the time you ever wanted is there.
You have only to want it. | | |
| Back on Adderall XR. Productivity will be rising shortly.
For now just getting back into the swing of it. More later, for
now, things to do.
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| Went looking for something beautiful again tonight. Once again
came up empty handed. When everything within me is inable to
create something comforting, something beautiful, I seek it out.
Most often on the internet or in those around me. Most often I am
left hungry. Just sucks at this time of day when there is little
I can do but sit and try to sleep in this state of mind. It hurts
to do that. People are not at my beck and call i understand, just
wish that I had something to turn to, something even to lean on from
time to time. Not that it hasn't been offered, but none of it
seems to work. I'm running out of options.
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| If I could save you, you would bite my hand.
If you didn't choose to be blind, maybe you would be worth helping in the first place.
If you were trustworthy, you wouldnt be so insecure.
If you didn't give up, you wouldn't be so empty.
If you weren't empty, you wouldn't be so quick to fill yourself with other's shortcomings.
If...
But you think you're happy.
As long as you continue to justify, I won't feel guilty for giving up on you.
Not really in a bitchy mood so much as I wanted to get the fw remaining thoughts out of my head. To bed with me.
| | |
| Growth. Initially in mind, I came up with a tree. Vast
branches, filled with deep green leaves, ever reaching higher as if to
be able to touch the sky. Like all things, it began as an
insignificant piece of potential. As it grew from seedling, so
came the tiny twig-like branches. Branches that would someday be
unable to remain a part of the tree, born too low on its trunk as it
expanded further. Some branches remain long after they have dried
and begun to fall apart, like a cloud that remained unmoved in the
sky. Inevitably though, it will follow suit and find its place at
the ground, becoming a distant memory of the past, leaving a small mark
of its place on the trunk as it decomposes and adds nourishment to the
still growing tree.
That is growth.
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